If I was a parent in 1955 my worries may be around whether my kid was a communist dressed in the disguise of a baby or whether my kid would "catch"homosexuality" or "black" from the local water fountain at the park-thank goodness we have realized you can only get these things from kissing....or is it playing Red Rover???? I can never remember.
The point is this-these would be FAR better than how science has failed me as a parent in 2012. It is in this day and age where we constantly talk about how advanced we are and how far we've come that I realize that almost every day I am let down by scientific/engineering/technological failure.
1. The car ride. Seriously people-automotive engineers, parental influence etc.... Can we not combine the limousine and the mini van/SUV together? Can we not, for the love of all things HOLY, add the freaking partition option onto all family automobiles? Would you not find that road trip or drive to the supermarket just a little more enjoyable if you could simply press a button and a soundproof window just appeared behind the driver's seat?!
2. The stroller straps. There is nothing quite so embarrassing, challenging and infuriating than trying to get the struggling toddler, in the midst a full blown tantrum, into the stroller and then DO UP THE STRAPS/BELT! Maybe Ila has super strength and will be the next heavy weight champion in that stupid weight lifting contest where the guys where onesies and grunt BUT either way I find it almost impossible to get her to BEND at the hip and SIT when she just doesn't want to. Now, what if, and I am just throwing this out there...what if we invented a bar that comes down from above (think roller-coaster) and pushed the hips down and back. So Strong would this bar be that if your stroller tipped over or even flipped in the air your kid couldn't get out!!!!! You see, I need this, why you ask??? Well the other night while out for a leisurely stroll with the family-Ila was not only difficult to get in the stroller but when she decided she had had enough she twisted and strained until she had basically fallen out of the stroller-a secure bar is needed.
No photo will accompany this because at the time I was too busy trying to keep calm-I was not thinking 'future blog moment'
3. Sunscreen. Yesterday I received a text from my friend Jen which read and I quote "Putting sunscreen on a kid...there must be an easier way!!!!"YES YES-why isn't there??? Another friend (Michee) suggested that we dip our kids in a vat of sunscreen-all they would need is swimming goggles and nose plugs. I figure that the reason Michael Jackson covered his kids faces with blankets and subsequently named one of them as such was not because he was a weirdo but instead he didn't want to deal with the sunscreen fight every day (remember NeverLand is in a sunny city-that's sunscreen everyday folks!) Some say that their kids drive them to drink-maybe his kids drove him to the blanket thing.....
....as you can see I haven't quite got to the whole "covering the face thing BUT I AM CLOSE!
4. Dinner time. Tell me people why is it so difficult to get the spoon of baby food into an 11 month old baby's mouth? Honestly-feeding Oskar is like trying to cut a triangle in a swinging cantaloupe-impossible but not without value! Any comments I have here, or ideas about an old-school dentist's chair and chin straps, most certainly will be too restrictive and borderline abusive however maybe just maybe when you are in the midst of feeding your own kids you will think I am on to something.
