You see kids that Crazy Mom Who HOME SCHOOLS and then wonders why her child doesn't know how to be around other kids (HEY FOLKS SO WHAT IF YOUR KID IS GREAT AROUND ADULTS-HE/SHE NEEDS TO BE SOCIAL WITH PEOPLE HIS AGE-NOT YOURS) was saying the animal's names in English, Spanish, French and F'ing Mandin-are you kidding me?! Who has time for that? And if this child one day grows up to work with the UN will it be necessary to know the Albanian name for monkey? (Well maybe....Ju jeni një majmun). Sometimes, let's be honest, I will see a goat and say-look at them there goat-when the proper name is North American Hybrid Open Wood Mountain Goat-you can see where I went wrong raising you.
I apologize that neither of you are gifted! Firstly, I realize that ALL kids these days are either gifted or have a learning disability and thus you are different because you are in the middle with no group to join. I also know there is some weird two and a half year old living in Calgary who has been invited to join Mensa (www.canada.mensa.org)-but let's face it-that kid is weird, his days are filled with learning useless shit like who was the 7th PM of Canada....never in my life have I needed to know that tid-bit of info and you don't see me a member of Mensa for realizing that some bits of knowledge are useless. Bottom line-you most likely won't be inviting him to your birthday party.
YES, there was a moment when I thought things might be different for you-Ila, you talked early and well-then I remembered that everyone I know also speaks so this was dismissed as a non-talent. Oskar, you crawled and stood faster than your sister-again I also walk so that couldn't mean anything...Then there was the swing in the other direction-the odd time you got stuck under a low table, maybe-every once in a while one of you might eat dirt, lick the Mall floor, put your entire head in the water table at the Science Center----still the things you can do evens out the stupid stuff. Thus, again, you're average.
I suppose it was my lack of ingenuity during my maternity leave that is to blame. I confess that I did nothing but play, sing, dance, read and hang out with you. I did not invent Baby Gourmet Baby Food and become a millionaire. I did not write a book about Vampire Love, or one about a Wizard Kid with a lightening bolt on his forehead-I did think about it but it seems someone already wrote a book about a game where kids kill kids and are hungry so I had no choice but to just be average myself.
I did not lie about you either-I did not and will not tell other Moms that you are something you are not. For instance-Ila you stutter right now. I think this may have something to do with your brother crawling and causing you large amounts of stress and suffering-I certainly do not guess or pretend that you do this because you have an extensive vocabulary and are so excited to get the words out that you stumble on them. I say own it kid!!!!! Unfortunately there are other Moms that, when their kid bites, they say something like "Oh Johny is very tactile and thus needs to experience everything with multiple ways of touch-he's a genius actually!" and YES folks I did meet a Mom who tried to use this excuse as to why her son had Ila's shoulder in his mouth-the kid was 10 months old....of yes very tactile, I see an invitation to Mensa in his future or maybe even the next Doogie Howser.
But kids-all of this aside, 私の素敵な小さな子供たちは、あなたが私の目には驚くべきです！
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