Finding Out and So On

I would love to say that when I found out I was pregnant with Ila that Eric and I held each other, that there were fireworks behind us while we cried with excitement. Instead, I looked at that plus sign in total disbelief, walked out of the bathroom, and threw that stick at my husband.  It is obvious to everyone, I am sure, that I am not only very romantic, but also handle the knowledge of change very well. I, of course, headed to the store to buy more tests and proceeded to spend my day peeing in the bathroom.  YES I was thrilled but terrified....What God, Stork, Leprechaun, Magic Bean would give a Jackass like me, like us, a baby??????

I mean, I was great at advice-not taking it.  Great at talking-but listening.....Great at doing exactly what I wanted-whenever I felt.  Please Lord do not let me fuck up this kid like I am sure I have with the countless teens I have taught!!!!

You'd think by baby number two I would handle the "finding out" a little better. Instead, I sat holding my 5 month old daughter on my lap, staring in complete horror, at the plus sign.  This time I began to sweat-this poor second baby has me to contend with-poor kid! It was worse the second round because I was already well aware of my failings in parenthood-come on who yells at a 4 month old teething baby?! At least I still looked 8 months pregnant-if it weren't for the pee-test I might have been able to go to delivery never knowing-just thinking I was a lumpy Mom...Maybe even deliver in Walmart???

It's interesting though how the first pregnancy you plan, plan, plan. Discuss names, design the bedroom, buy, buy, buy, talk to everyone about your baby, buy stocks in Baby Einstein and Toys R Us, rub and talk to your belly-savor every moment.  Ila's room was finished by the time I was 6 months pregnant-stocked with diapers and wipes and clothes-she began to sleep in it 3 months before her brother arrived. Oskar's has yet to be completed-we may move before this ever happens!

Oskar, I am doing my best to give you the "second-child-syndrome" that so many, including myself suffer from.