Today began like any other day-you both woke up cheerful-full of beans, and honestly a joy to be around. Of course, I never have high expectations anymore-I now am the parent of a toddler!
As an aside, I do feel that for mental health practitioners to be properly trained in dealing with those who suffer from Mania or Bi-Polar Disorder that an afternoon, or even an hour, with a toddler who has a "now crawling" sibling would sufficiently prepare them for any dealings they may face with this unfortunate disease.
We ventured downstairs for breakfast and the ever dreaded diaper change. Before I could even hit the last step: PANIC-SCREAMING-DISTRESS! The ever-beloved pink, fussy blanket with satin trim has been left upstairs and now I have one 2 year old lying on the floor in an emotional mess called "good morning." Oskar, bewildered (I do hope as a teenager you have learned to cope with this confusion your sister causes you) whimpering as his happy mood is dampened by the revolting display on said floor.
Blanket recovered from the bed-breakfast has begun. How could I have forgot that the Cheerios I am eating are so much better than the ones in your bowl. How could I forget that the baby food I am trying to feed you is not the flavor you like. How could I forget that to eat breakfast you must be sitting in the right chair, with the beloved blankie behind you (for quick getaways and emergency cuddling), that the su-su (pacifier) has to be in plain sight at all times...really HOW COULD I?!
Insert 3-4 cups of coffee here! Diaper and change of clothes for each child begins.
I always start with you-Oskar-as you are easier to handle: 1) you are currently smaller and can't speak 2) a little tickle under the armpits and you are happy to have a quick change....this has become more difficult as you have transformed from my mellow-Buddah baby to a crawler. This has caused havoc and ruined your sister's life but for me it just means I have to pin you down because you have eyed a plug in, stairwell, fire hazard that needs exploring. I do hope that at 15 you have all your body parts and both, or at the very least, one of your eyebrows still present.
Ila, you are next. I bribe you with TV, my phone, explain that a dirty bum is gross, show you a new-cute outfit, tap dance, bring in a Zebra and David Hasselhoff to distract you BUT still you freak out. Right now you're 16 and most likely think everything is yucky and gross and "girls don't fart" BLAH BLAH BLAH-well little lady you fought me tooth and nail every day to keep your dirty diaper on- to the point where I now just lay a leg across you to get it over with!
Now that Oskar is crawling, and your life is destroyed beyond repair, I have to constantly watch you. If my sweet boy so much as looks your way, casts a casual glance in the direction of your play-a yelp escapes your mouth "OSKAR NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He may be 15ft away from you-but that doesn't matter. Now, 16 year old you thinks you're pretty darn smart. So smart you most likely think you could live on your own or even start university tomorrow... let me ask you then "What is the IQ of the person that believes her brother has a super power that allows him to magically look at your toy "with his eyes", remove this toy from your death grip "with his eyes", and bring it to him???????" Just Saying!
I will fast forward to the end of the day and remind you that this morning we fought to get your green jammies off and now we are fighting to put them back on. I do believe that 1 outfit is all you need or want-think of this the next time you ask for money to buy Justin Bieber vintage wear.
....Oskar I am sure you are gloating that currently this really isn't about you-careful son! Today I dressed you in a onsey-or better yet a BODYSUIT! Get off your high horse or I will pull out pictures and bring them out the next time your friends are over!
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